Friday, March 26, 2010

Here Come Da Pudge

   It is so SAD, but it is so true. There are two acronyms for SAD: Seasonal Affective Disorder (which 5-HTP works wonders on) but, I'm referring to SAD: the Standard American Diet...uh oh...I'm about to touch the fabric of your lives.
   Do you suffer from "Muffin-top Syndrome" or "Back Bra Blob" or do you have that "10 lbs.-of-sugar-in-a-5 lb.-bag-look"? Well then my friend, meet SAD. In the un-real world you could just Photo Shop it all away but in the real's mean...real mean.

   You can be large or small, SAD is not a respecter of persons. It's fake to whomever wishes to befriend it. It can turn into one of those BFF situations where you love it, but it hates you, but you don't realize that it really does hate you because you love it so much, and you are blind to its hate (because you know the saying) but the results of the friendship are over the top...over the top of your jeans...over the top of your bra...over the top of your strapless dress. Da Pudge.

    Da Pudge is not all that remains after a tryst with SAD, puffiness, swollen joints, water retention, brain fog, as well as an aversion to making wholesome choices. No...SAD will not just leave you alone after you have given yourself to it, it gets inside your very being and you CRAVE it, everything about it, the more you want, the more you will want. Then you will make arrangements several times in a day to meet with it and then the secretiveness of these meetings will soon have you hiding the evidence.

    I have had my share of affairs with SAD, yes, I'll admit it. Baking a pan of brownies only to nibble them down to 1/2 a pan and because of the shame eat the other 1/2 so my other lover (my husband) would not find out. I've even invited SAD to my very own dinner table and served it to my family under the cloak of  a "quick and easy meal" or "prepackaged microwaved". I am a confessed "carboholic" always in recovery and the guilt of trying to make my family players in this charade is more than I can deal with, except when there's chocolate cake or bread.

    What is this want to know...what could possibly affect your quality decision making to that degree? The Standard American Diet, we will so properly call it, is high in animal fats and saturated and or hydrogenated fats, low in fiber, high in processed foods, low in complex carbs and low in plant-based foods. Are you as repulsed as I am at this very moment? No? Then it has you in its grip or you just lost interest in the list because you don't get what it all means but basically it's this: bad fat/white flour/white sugar/white anything/refined anything/added chemicals/bleach to make it white/ come da pudge.

   When I had my studio my husband and I made a 10 foot Nutcracker for an upcoming Christmas parade and program I was going to do. That thing was still around after 7 years of me using it as well as other people using it and hauling it from Birmingham and to other cities, I don't know if it's still around or not but I sold it with my studio. It was made from chicken wire, newspaper, paint, and white flour/water to make the paste.
The white flour and liquid formula is the same thing inside your plumbing, can you imagine the caking and clogging in your pipes? The sludge that causes the pudge!

   Have you noticed even thin young girls with puffalump bellies hanging over their low rises? Fast food living gets fast results, fast. Back fat? Somebody eats too much pork's the truth, look it up. Keep getting colds or can't shake the infections? Your immune system is out of whack due to nutrient deficiencies. But we are so in love with our rolled-in-dough-french-fried-sprinkled-sugar-chunks-dipped-in-bacon-grease-and-soda-nibbles that we've forgotten the true and faithful BFF that waits on us to turn to it when we are tired of being abused by SAD.

   It's not a user and won't leave you licking the ice cream carton in's a true lover of your heart and all of your other parts. It will not bring you guilt or shame or make you want to wear a moo-moo. It's RDA...the Recommended Daily Allowance diet. It brings the language of fruits and veggies, grilled protein, and whole grains back into your vocabulary. You might even want to date an exercise or two after that!

   Old loves die hard and this one will leave you looking like lard, so when SAD tries to seduce you and whispers come hither words into your stomach, be strong, be wise, and repeat these words into your fist and into its fat face..."Give us this day our R-D-A"!

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