Saturday, January 28, 2012

If It's Not One Plague It's Another

       I'm a survivor. I used to suffer from Roseanne Roseannadanna Syndrome.

      This syndrome was named after her because it has only been in most recent years experts have been able to pin down and identify what causes this debilitating chronic nastiness.
     How was I diagnosed? Well, it was a self-diagnosis.

      I had the usual symptoms, repeated chaotic plague-like situations that would cause upheaval in my little world. It would leave me flinging my arms around in Lost-In-Space-Robot fashion yelling, "Danger danger, Will Robinson!". Then, I would find myself, as I could see another bout heading my way wailing, "If it's not one thing it's another!" huffing in a disgusted breath.

     These plagues weren't always all my doing, they did sometimes involve the dastardly deeds of another person which would  domino and the law of 'Cause and Effect' would take over. But more times than not, they were because of my own lack of knowledge of what would set a plaguefest into motion.

Below I have compiled a Survivalist Information Guide to help you identify and to stop the plague madness, but if you deem this useless, well.....plague on my brother.

You might be a Plague-ee if...

    1.) Symptom: The bare essentials of your necessary existence (food, clothing, shelter, water, income, relationships) have been tainted and taken from you on numerous occasions.

         This is the blood plague. Intensified Tide cannot remove this.

        After-effects: The loss or theft of personal everyday belongings, finances, friends.    

    2.) Symptom: Feelings of helplessness take over as you arm wrestle unwanted intruders.

         This is the frog-lice-flies-locust plagues. Like someone projectile vomited all over your belongings.

         After-effects: You seem to run around putting out proverbial fires. It's like you spar with an unseen force that messes everything up on a regular basis.

   3.) Symptom: You experience trauma from the breakdown and/or death of your work-mules.

        This is the livestock plague. The things you need to perform duties die in the middle of its active service.

        After-effects: Your car, washing machine, A/C, hair dryer break down and your utilities have been shut off. In other words, what you need to help you breaks down or dies.

   4.) Symptom: Your immune system keeps allowing the crud and croup, infections and inflammation. It does not defend you. Oh the heartbreak of Psoriasis.

        This is the boils plague. The never ending parade of aches, ailments and meds.

        After-effects: Debris from the parade. The aftermath after the destruction.

   5.) Symptom: There is sadness/unhappiness when you view your kingdom and what remains of it.

        This is the hail plague. You have no damage control plan. Your crops keep getting ruined.

        After-effects: What you DO have is broken, torn, dirty, unrepairable, dinged, dented, collapsing/failing.

   6.) Symptom: Head spiraling confusion-indecisiveness-fear-lethargy jousts with you.You're swinging
         a sword and can't see the evil knight you're swinging at.

        This is the darkness plague. You have no definition of who your real enemy is.

        After-effects: Exhaustion from beating the air or lassoing the wind and the culprit giggles at your dumbness.

   7.) Symptom: A sense of loss permeates your every day. Loss of talents, hobbies, friends, family, and yourself.

       This is the death of the firstborn plague. Life rots and stinks for you.

      After-effects: Things and situations lie unused and untapped. Carnage is everywhere.


      It was never intended for God's Property to experience plagues. The proof of that statement is in Exodus. Only the Egyptians were zapped. GP's were untouched.

                Yet....once in the desert, plagues DID come a-calling.

We believe we are unsuspecting victims with no power to change our circumstances. Lie.
It is cards that were dealt us. Lie.
It's our lot in life. Lie.
We are bit actors in a drama forced to play out our role. Lie.


     We want our golden calf and His golden blessings, too! That's a NO-GO in God's eyes. You gotta choose! It's an either or, neither nor choice. The willing and obedient eat the good of the land, not just willing and not just obedient, but both. Both.

     How negligent and unreasonable would it be for the Holy Spirit not to inform, whisper, hint, or instruct us as to what He wants us to do everyday? How to make right decisions? How to stop the plagues?

     Roseanne Roseannadanna always believed that plagues were a normal part of life and never knew what caused them or when they would hit, thus the Roseanne Roseannadanna Syndrome.

      I, however, as a survivor of the plagues, feel the need to warn others of the flying monkeys.  

Thursday, January 19, 2012

What's Peas Got to Do With It?

 This is a sensitive subject matter about being sensitive.

Sensitivity is a sensitive topic of the senses because you have to be sensitive to sense it.

             Following is a parable about sensitive sensitivity:
     There once was a Princess, her name was Princess Pea Pod. Why? Just go with it. Anyways, she sensed in her heart it was time to get married.

     By co-inky-dink, Prince Hogh was sensing the same thing at the same time. Being a Type A personality, Prince Hogh checked out the e-Royal Highness Matchmaking Service (for Prince and Princesses don't date they just match and marry).

                                      The King approved heartily.

     When they both realized that they were meant for each other, the Prince had one test to prove Pea Pod's genuine sensitivity level. The "I Sensed That" test.

     So, since they were friends on Facebook, he began to post things on her status that only she would 'get' because they had formed a relationship and were at the place where she should sense their meaning.

     She would feel a lump in her heart every time he would post, "If you love me you'll do what I ask." Not a lump of disgust in the feminist sort of way, but a lump of knowing he was asking her to be sensitive enough to 'hear' him even if words were not used.

    A prompting, an urging, a hint, an inkling, an unction....a sensitivity...she did recognize and respond to them all. Therefore, Prince Hogh knew that Princess Pea Pod was the one formed and fashioned for him.They married and lived sensitivi-ily ever after. The End.

    Every daughter and son of The King is a Princess or Prince and is encouraged to sense the messages from Him. We are exhorted to be sensitive to His nudgings. His subtle gestures.The urgings and unctions are sent to you by Prince Hogh (Holy Ghost) EVERY DAY.

     He'll put a pea under your stacks of mattresses and see if you'll respond to it by saying I sensed that. Then He wants you to love Him by doing the thing you've sensed. Recognizing there's a pea is only part of being sensitive. Doing something with the pea is an offering of love and a display of maturity when you do something with all the peas in life.

                      If you love Him, will you do what He asks?

Friday, January 13, 2012

I Opted Out

            What did it mean when I said yes to Christianity?

     Did it mean I'm free to say "Hallelujah" and "Pass the margaritas" in the same sentence? Yes, it does.
           But, I opted out.

     Am I allowed to post scriptures on my Facebook wall and then pay money for tickets and attend a comedy show that the language would melt the jewelry off my body? Yes!
          But, I opted out.

     In order to be thrifty and save a buck (practicing my stewardship in this economy) is it okay to stay in and watch all the crude nude-y booty movies I can for the evening? Sure thing!
           But, I opted out.

          So, basically, saying yes to Christianity means I have freedom to choose what I want. Right?

      I can chew a plug and spit.
      I can sip a little bit.
      I can cover my behind and lie.
      I can tell someone I hope they die.
      I can bark at you.
      I can sing catchy songs about hedonism, as long as it has a
                                                       good beat I can dance to.
      I can become best friends with a slot machine.
      But, what does saying yes to Christianity really mean?

      I'm free to hate on you.
          I'm free to key the car parked too close to me.
              I'm free to take office supplies from my workplace.
                  I'm free to be jealous of the attention your kids get and charge up my credit cards so mine 
                                                    will be well supplied and popular and in the clique, like yours are.
                      I'm free to fudge on my taxes if it suits the situation.

             I'm free....I'm free...Jesus made me free. That's right, honey. 

     One thing I know for sure, Grace comes with the Christianity deal. That means when I choose to do one or all of the above mentioned, Grace turns its' head the other way as if I didn't do it and says, "All is well with Thee and Thine, try to do better the next time." Ummmm.....NOT!

            Is that what it means to say yes to Christianity?

     What does it mean then? Opting means opting out.

     When my debt has been paid and I am free from clauses and stipulations, rules and regulations. I can tell satan & company, that wants me to stay under their iron clad contract, that I AM FREE TO OPT OUT...I am opting out!

     Where I exercise my freedom and use my gift of Grace is when I use its' ability to help me to NOT do the stuff that keeps me bound in the Law of Sin & Death. Freedom & Grace helps me to OPT OUT!

     Every time I opt out on a deal that will keep me a "free agent", I sing the song "I'm Coming out" by Diana Ross, but I changed the words to "I'm opting out...I want the world to to let it show". I do that because its got a good beat to dance to.
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