Saturday, January 22, 2011

Oops, I Did It Again

     Why do I do the things I hate and don't do the things I should stop myself? Argh! How can toilet paper make me act so unbecomingly? A simple observation of '12 rolls are now down to 2 in five days time' and before I know it, oops, Miss Petty appears.

     I hate it when she shows up. I don't like her. She'll take a simple statement that could address the problem like, "Hey everybody, slow down on the T.P. usage, k?" and turn it into a detailed dissertation of facts, statistics, and evidence.

     "Large amounts of this stuff will stop up the septic tank. Remember the septic tank? The one we just had to have cleaned and new field lines put in last year? Did  I mention stopping up the septic tank? Twelve rolls minus 10 rolls in five days equals 2 rolls a day! No behind needs this much paper!! Are you making turbans with it? Is someone playing "mummy"? Does someone have a toilet paper eating disorder we should know about?"

     She digs the cardboard tubes from the bathroom wastebasket and puts them on all her fingers to emphasize the amount used, AGAIN, and then away she goes with, "Will I have be the toilet paper monitor? We might have to have a library check-out system for this paper! Seriously, really, 6 squares for number one and, maybe...possibly, 18 squares for number two."

     Ole' Petty probably would be finished at this point but members of the defense actually deny using the paper which makes her all the more accusatory. "You people" is a favorite term she uses to call the defense when their make-believe statement and their common sense run away with dish and the spoon. "Well, somebody has used it! The cats? The dog? Did they roll the 'Bama Wear' in Childersburg?"

     Abruptly, I gain control and tell Pettypooper to "zippeth thy lippeth". "This is getting nowhere and accomplishing nothing." She was wanting repentant confessions that simply were not going to come. Her cry of "Repent, all ye who wasteth the paper uselessly!" was met with, "We shant".

     I'm the one left with the twangs of why do I do that? How does it slip out like that? When are you going to learn to handle things differently? Don't you see her coming? Dang. The thing I hate, I do. From what I've heard, there are others that suffer from 'wretched man' disease where the symptoms are easy to see. The symptoms are: you do the opposite of what you should do and then guilt comes, like coffee with your dessert.

     Who is able to deliver me from Miss Petty and her sidekick, Guilt? Well, since it's the Inventor of toilet paper and septic tanks Himself, I figure He can. He's the One that's even made me aware of her showing up and that she is not like His personality or His character, at all. And He's the One that forgives me when I let her rip and then let guilt rip me. He's also the One that shows me that there is a way to completely stop them from having it their way. 'I' repent for participating with them and show them the bathroom door! Out!

     As long as I live and breathe, there will be different kinds of "oops, I did it again" situations. Just like the other day, when Princess Short and Snippy showed up.....

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