When was the last time you gave the apostrophe props? Yeah...me too, never. I use it all the time to shorten words that we call contractions. Without it I couldn't tell the difference between shell and she'll, hell and he'll, were and we're, well and we'll. I couldn't be witty and informal and write he'd've without it...so I want to give a shout out to the '. It makes writing and speaking have more of a quick route feel...'cause (because), 'twas (it was), o'er (over), 'twernt (it wern't not, a hillybilly contraction).
Did you know that the word alone is a contraction where the ' has been dropped off? Who knew'd? Yeah, the word used to be al'one, all one, which originated around the 1250s to the 1300s the ' over a period of time began to get left out. If you think about it, just like the ' changes the word ill into I'll, which means two different things, so does the ' change the meaning from alone to all one.
The first time the word alone was used in the Bible was very soon, in Genesis 2:18: "And the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone (all one); I will make him an help meet for him'." So God said out of His very own mouth that all one was not good. In this verse He means a mate was needed to stop the all one situation, but the principle of it all is the all one, of any situation, is not good...except when you need to be all one in the restroom, that's good.
In Luke 4:4 Jesus is reminding satan what God had already told Moses in Deuteronomy 8, that..."man shall not live by bread alone (al'one), but by every word of God". Again, all one was not a positive place. Lone is another way we use alone, it's more poetic, The Lone Ranger, one lone soul, lone wolf. I know lots of people that are uncomfortable with being 'lone or all 'lone, by oneself or solitary... alone or lone is being without association. Their identity is found with others which my O is that God knew He made mankind with a desire to not be all one. Joining together is a spiritual concept.
The opposite or extreme of alone is never alone even if it's the TV or computer or M & M Blizzards or a new boat as the companion...there's always a need of a balancer. Good things have been sent into my life that caused all one to balance out. Cupcakes and coffee brought my sister and I to a beyond the 'related' status, to the 'friends we never were before' status. We were always passing each other in our everyday lives not taking the value of each other as a gift. After all we were family, there wasn't a need to try to go beyond that, was there? But, we were all one as sisters. Not anymore, thanks to baking and drinking!
Baseball brought me and my grandchildren's mother from being unassociated to a deeper love and appreciation for one another. A ballgame...gathering together to cheer on our favorite people, that we both love, brought us to a new place of respect and acceptance. All one could not ever possibly accomplish that. Why do we marry? Why do we join car clubs? Why do we eat out with others? Why do we go to church? Why are there Trekkie conventions? We don't want to be all one and those things bring us all together and away from the al'one principle. We like it, it's our nature. We want pets or chat rooms or facebook or parties. The opposite would be cave dwelling. That's why I know that depression is an al'one disease. It takes you to the desert and you get lost there. All one.
God sends things like German Shepherds to un-traumatize you 'cause another dog that you should'nt've
ever brought home made you want to be forever without another dog. I love you Suki. Or He sends people like children to grow you up and wake you up and they help you become who you are because of their lives and influence. I love you, Tangae, Stacey, and Ramey. Or He sends dance (or fill in the blank) to you to connect you to the world around you and enjoy life because of it and share it with others. The first thing you want to do is tell someone about whatever it is. If you're all one, you can't. You don't. You won't.
So the idea is for us not to be 'all one' as in al'one or alone, but to be 'all one' as in all together, in association with others, whatever brings that. Sorry apostrophe, I don't mean to dis you, you have you're place, but when it comes to whether I want to be 'all for one', me-all one, I have to choose 'one for all'
all-all one. When I drop the apostrophe and the philosophy with it I'm securing that I'll never again be "Alone Again, Naturally".
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
My Mother Told Me to Pick the Very Best One and You Are It
So now the problem begins...what is 'the very best one'? I have my definition of 'the very best one', I'm sure you do too. We all have our own definition of 'the very best one', mine is: it's the very best of the choices. Oh, so we agree on that one. But, I bet what we wouldn't agree on is each others definition of 'best'. What I call best, may not be what you call best. Some 'Top Chefs' would call cow tongue or calf brains 'the best' when it comes to beef parts, no, not this girl...'the best' beef parts are roast beef and steak! See, to me this is an obvious choice, but as I live longer I understand that people have their own thoughts on choosing their choices and are adamant about them. So adamant in fact, that there could be opportunity to offend many with the airing of those choices on diverse topics...all without saying a word, that's right, we're talking actions.
"I can't hear what you're saying...what you're doing is talking too loud"...that's a modern take on "actions speak louder than words". I have to ask myself continually, do I contradict myself? Do I oppose myself? Or go against myself? In front of others, am I living what I believe to be 'the best'? I try to the best of my ability every day to choose 'the very best one', but you know what? someone else might define it as 'not the very best one'. They may think that the way I do kingdom business or live my faith out loud is not godly. That's because they have their very own O's.
My grandmother taught my mother and she taught me..."Pretty is as pretty does". You can replace the word pretty with any word and it still is the truth...it's what we do that makes us who. What we choose makes us who. The phrase this generation loves to use is, "don't judge me". Just because I call a big pink elephant in your living room, a big pink elephant in your living room, does not mean I'm judging. I'm judging if I make a declaration that you are going to die a sinful and shameful death and go to hell because of the pink elephant in your living room, like a judge would say you will pay for this decision you have made. No, calling a snake a snake is not judging, no more than stating what car you drive is what car you drive, there's no decree attached to it. So with that said, it's time to play..."Let's Make a Choice"...
Let's sing the opening song. One of these thing just doesn't belong here..one of these things is not the same...tell me which thing doesn't belong here...come on now it's time to play our game...it's time to play our game (thanks Sesame Street). Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "Let's Make a Choice", where "I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing, you choose" (Deuteronomy 30:19). But remember the guidelines as you choose..."what fellowship does light have with darkness?" (II Corinthians 6:14). Ready to play? Here we go...you have before you things that go together and things that do not...choose the ones that do go together,they are in no particular order, you have 10 seconds, go!
Horoscopes and Christianity
Twilight vampires and Christianity
Nude-y-ness and Christianity
Bootylicious and Christianity
Bleep bleep bleep and Christianity
Convenient living arrangements and Christianity
Taking o.p.p. (other people's property) and Christianity
Sippin' with the saints and Christianity
Stop!
The Word of Faith message has had a huge falling away in the past few years due to the fact that people have confessed scriptures and made faith confessions and tried to 'name it and claim it' and give their money to move God's hand and stand and believe, and believe and stand. And when the thing they were believing for did not show up they fell away discouraged and angry that God did not do His part. When in reality they should have been playing "Let's Make a Choice" and getting rid of the big pink elephant in their living room and bringing in blue-ribbon sheep instead.
Blue-ribbon sheep are 'the very best ones'. Good choices. That bring good things into fruition. So I have before me some choices to make that should flow with my belief system and shouldn't contradict with what I'm saying from what I'm doing. When others see me live in front of them, they should see before them 'the very best one and I am it'. Mother would be proud.
"I can't hear what you're saying...what you're doing is talking too loud"...that's a modern take on "actions speak louder than words". I have to ask myself continually, do I contradict myself? Do I oppose myself? Or go against myself? In front of others, am I living what I believe to be 'the best'? I try to the best of my ability every day to choose 'the very best one', but you know what? someone else might define it as 'not the very best one'. They may think that the way I do kingdom business or live my faith out loud is not godly. That's because they have their very own O's.
My grandmother taught my mother and she taught me..."Pretty is as pretty does". You can replace the word pretty with any word and it still is the truth...it's what we do that makes us who. What we choose makes us who. The phrase this generation loves to use is, "don't judge me". Just because I call a big pink elephant in your living room, a big pink elephant in your living room, does not mean I'm judging. I'm judging if I make a declaration that you are going to die a sinful and shameful death and go to hell because of the pink elephant in your living room, like a judge would say you will pay for this decision you have made. No, calling a snake a snake is not judging, no more than stating what car you drive is what car you drive, there's no decree attached to it. So with that said, it's time to play..."Let's Make a Choice"...
Let's sing the opening song. One of these thing just doesn't belong here..one of these things is not the same...tell me which thing doesn't belong here...come on now it's time to play our game...it's time to play our game (thanks Sesame Street). Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "Let's Make a Choice", where "I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing, you choose" (Deuteronomy 30:19). But remember the guidelines as you choose..."what fellowship does light have with darkness?" (II Corinthians 6:14). Ready to play? Here we go...you have before you things that go together and things that do not...choose the ones that do go together,they are in no particular order, you have 10 seconds, go!
Horoscopes and Christianity
Twilight vampires and Christianity
Nude-y-ness and Christianity
Bootylicious and Christianity
Bleep bleep bleep and Christianity
Convenient living arrangements and Christianity
Taking o.p.p. (other people's property) and Christianity
Sippin' with the saints and Christianity
Stop!
The Word of Faith message has had a huge falling away in the past few years due to the fact that people have confessed scriptures and made faith confessions and tried to 'name it and claim it' and give their money to move God's hand and stand and believe, and believe and stand. And when the thing they were believing for did not show up they fell away discouraged and angry that God did not do His part. When in reality they should have been playing "Let's Make a Choice" and getting rid of the big pink elephant in their living room and bringing in blue-ribbon sheep instead.
Blue-ribbon sheep are 'the very best ones'. Good choices. That bring good things into fruition. So I have before me some choices to make that should flow with my belief system and shouldn't contradict with what I'm saying from what I'm doing. When others see me live in front of them, they should see before them 'the very best one and I am it'. Mother would be proud.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
This Tha Way I Roll...
I find out things about myself almost continually, for example, I recently discovered the fact that I speak and write in the slang idioms dialect. Who knew? I just always considered myself a 'keeping it real' kind of person...sorta like just speaking the language of the day, real plain. I didn't know it had a name.
If you will, travel back in time to your high school English class, look in your head, around the dangling participles, past the misplaced modifiers, through the diagrammed gerunds, ah, there they are, idioms. There are colloquial, dialectal, illiterate, and slang idioms. In the 11th grade A-Beka English Handbook in lesson 31.2, it advises me to "avoid idiomatic expressions that smack of triteness". I'm pretty sure I'm guilty of triteness. I'm also pretty sure that the advise given was indeed an idiom itself. In case you have erased the English off the blackboard of your mind, I will remind you that idioms are expressions of a word or a phrase and has a figurative meaning.That's me 2 a T.
I feel like if we humans mainly use words to express ourselves, that our speech should be colorful with some flava with a punch of a little 'sum-mm sum-mm', some spice, pizazz and I don't mean expletives! Which brings me to my O...extremes. The notion of opposites. Even before the beginning of time, Good v evil, Light v dark, cold v hot, left v right, Love v hate, have been some of the standards for extremes.
Don't you hate it when somebody gets all up in your kool-aid and don't even know the flavor? But, I know the score on this one...'cause, just like you, I have to let God remind me often, that when I 'teeter' or 'totter' there is no balance. We are used to watching extreme sports and desiring an extreme makeover and swooning over extreme homes. Who would want to watch minimal sports? or meager makeovers? or moderate homes? Borrrring. Have you ever watched "Wife Swap"? That's the premise behind the show, extreme wives.
The medical profession calls this concept, hypo- and hyper-, when your body over or under does something, an imbalance. It's out of order, out of alignment, off kilter, out of whack, askewed. Those are colorful words for sick, but sick is so dull to say. I have some cheese-may to spread...here's what I have found out about the devil...he does not care if you 'teeter' or 'totter' as long as you are doing one of them.
You probably would say that the seesaw is so much fun to play on, on the playground maybe, in real life...it's a potential body slam on the ground or an inevitable full body toss in the air. There was always that kid standing in the middle of the seesaw though. What was his deal? There we are screaming and hanging on for dear life or getting the breath knocked out of us and there's unadventurous kid in the middle. Balancing in the middle. Is he 'in the know'? I think so!
The idea behind a seesaw is: a board with two ends of extreme and a middle of balance, tru dat (interpretation is: duh!). But a wonderful lesson is hidden under the board, the balancer, the equalizer.
When we can't say no and we take on more than we can possibly do but we want to be everything to everybody and we end up neglecting our own at home...teeter. When we don't have a problem at all saying no, to the point that it's all about you...totter. When we live on see-food, everything we see we eat...teeter. When we are so rigorous about what we eat that an iota counts as a calorie...totter. Give-give-give...teeter. Take-take-take...totter.
When I allow myself to learn the way of the seesaw and I agree with it not, I won't live with comedy/tragedy, waxing/waning, mountains/valleys, my life won't smack with triteness. I want the middle, not a ditch on either side. I want harmony, not rage or passivity. I want enough, not all or nothing. I want development, not kudzu style or stunted growth. I think the kid in the middle knew that life could body slam you or throw you for a loop, all because of the way we decide we want to roll. The stabilizing factor lured him to the center. When I've decided I wanted to go extreme, I've been flung afar off base.
So...(add beat box here)...come on all you idioms...I'm through expressin' my i-deaoms...they're food for thought...they can't be bought...and I hope tha message will be caught...here we go...here we go...3-2-1, let's do it...say...this tha way we roll, we roll...this tha way we go, we go, to the left? no!...to the right? no!...keepin' straight ya'll...keepin' straight.
If you will, travel back in time to your high school English class, look in your head, around the dangling participles, past the misplaced modifiers, through the diagrammed gerunds, ah, there they are, idioms. There are colloquial, dialectal, illiterate, and slang idioms. In the 11th grade A-Beka English Handbook in lesson 31.2, it advises me to "avoid idiomatic expressions that smack of triteness". I'm pretty sure I'm guilty of triteness. I'm also pretty sure that the advise given was indeed an idiom itself. In case you have erased the English off the blackboard of your mind, I will remind you that idioms are expressions of a word or a phrase and has a figurative meaning.That's me 2 a T.
I feel like if we humans mainly use words to express ourselves, that our speech should be colorful with some flava with a punch of a little 'sum-mm sum-mm', some spice, pizazz and I don't mean expletives! Which brings me to my O...extremes. The notion of opposites. Even before the beginning of time, Good v evil, Light v dark, cold v hot, left v right, Love v hate, have been some of the standards for extremes.
Don't you hate it when somebody gets all up in your kool-aid and don't even know the flavor? But, I know the score on this one...'cause, just like you, I have to let God remind me often, that when I 'teeter' or 'totter' there is no balance. We are used to watching extreme sports and desiring an extreme makeover and swooning over extreme homes. Who would want to watch minimal sports? or meager makeovers? or moderate homes? Borrrring. Have you ever watched "Wife Swap"? That's the premise behind the show, extreme wives.
The medical profession calls this concept, hypo- and hyper-, when your body over or under does something, an imbalance. It's out of order, out of alignment, off kilter, out of whack, askewed. Those are colorful words for sick, but sick is so dull to say. I have some cheese-may to spread...here's what I have found out about the devil...he does not care if you 'teeter' or 'totter' as long as you are doing one of them.
You probably would say that the seesaw is so much fun to play on, on the playground maybe, in real life...it's a potential body slam on the ground or an inevitable full body toss in the air. There was always that kid standing in the middle of the seesaw though. What was his deal? There we are screaming and hanging on for dear life or getting the breath knocked out of us and there's unadventurous kid in the middle. Balancing in the middle. Is he 'in the know'? I think so!
The idea behind a seesaw is: a board with two ends of extreme and a middle of balance, tru dat (interpretation is: duh!). But a wonderful lesson is hidden under the board, the balancer, the equalizer.
When we can't say no and we take on more than we can possibly do but we want to be everything to everybody and we end up neglecting our own at home...teeter. When we don't have a problem at all saying no, to the point that it's all about you...totter. When we live on see-food, everything we see we eat...teeter. When we are so rigorous about what we eat that an iota counts as a calorie...totter. Give-give-give...teeter. Take-take-take...totter.
When I allow myself to learn the way of the seesaw and I agree with it not, I won't live with comedy/tragedy, waxing/waning, mountains/valleys, my life won't smack with triteness. I want the middle, not a ditch on either side. I want harmony, not rage or passivity. I want enough, not all or nothing. I want development, not kudzu style or stunted growth. I think the kid in the middle knew that life could body slam you or throw you for a loop, all because of the way we decide we want to roll. The stabilizing factor lured him to the center. When I've decided I wanted to go extreme, I've been flung afar off base.
So...(add beat box here)...come on all you idioms...I'm through expressin' my i-deaoms...they're food for thought...they can't be bought...and I hope tha message will be caught...here we go...here we go...3-2-1, let's do it...say...this tha way we roll, we roll...this tha way we go, we go, to the left? no!...to the right? no!...keepin' straight ya'll...keepin' straight.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
"One Heartbeat"
Can you hear creation mourn? All is dark and earth is torn.
For the "Unto You Is Born This Day" has been cut down and tombed away.
What has happened? It all looks grim.
The Brightest Of All Lights has now been dimmed.
Sobs and cries of disbelief of what took place in great defeat.
What was told, and promises made, lay undone and hope does fade.
Darkness presides now, for three long days.
Abandonment is felt and confusion breathes a haze.
Where is the Heartbeat that promised Life?
Why was it stilled? Why all the strife?
How could this Presence be all wrong?
When Goodness and Mercy were the Song,
The Song that was sung to listening ears,
Now, look what is left, but surroundings of fear.
There's nothing to see here anymore,
Go back to old things, that were before.
All is gone, all is hopeless,
The soul will return to its state of distress.
No use...Give up...Don't try...Let go...
...A Pulsating Sound has begun to beat,
The "Just As He Said" came through complete!
The Heart once flat-lined is beating again,
What does this mean, but that torn earth will now mend!
It's not as was thought! There's no more bleak!
The "Word That Was Made Flesh", wise ones will seek!
For now Life lives and Love now forgives,
Solace is here and numbness now feels!
Come creation and mourn no more,
There's a Great Gift that wasn't before!
A Heartbeat was given and its blood drained away,
Courtesy of "The Ancient Of Days".
This was all done as an Ultimate Plan,
to give One Heartbeat...and get back all of man!
This is the Heartbeat of Easter...Be Blessed...Jeanna
For the "Unto You Is Born This Day" has been cut down and tombed away.
What has happened? It all looks grim.
The Brightest Of All Lights has now been dimmed.
Sobs and cries of disbelief of what took place in great defeat.
What was told, and promises made, lay undone and hope does fade.
Darkness presides now, for three long days.
Abandonment is felt and confusion breathes a haze.
Where is the Heartbeat that promised Life?
Why was it stilled? Why all the strife?
How could this Presence be all wrong?
When Goodness and Mercy were the Song,
The Song that was sung to listening ears,
Now, look what is left, but surroundings of fear.
There's nothing to see here anymore,
Go back to old things, that were before.
All is gone, all is hopeless,
The soul will return to its state of distress.
No use...Give up...Don't try...Let go...
...A Pulsating Sound has begun to beat,
The "Just As He Said" came through complete!
The Heart once flat-lined is beating again,
What does this mean, but that torn earth will now mend!
It's not as was thought! There's no more bleak!
The "Word That Was Made Flesh", wise ones will seek!
For now Life lives and Love now forgives,
Solace is here and numbness now feels!
Come creation and mourn no more,
There's a Great Gift that wasn't before!
A Heartbeat was given and its blood drained away,
Courtesy of "The Ancient Of Days".
This was all done as an Ultimate Plan,
to give One Heartbeat...and get back all of man!
This is the Heartbeat of Easter...Be Blessed...Jeanna
Friday, March 26, 2010
Here Come Da Pudge
It is so SAD, but it is so true. There are two acronyms for SAD: Seasonal Affective Disorder (which 5-HTP works wonders on) but, I'm referring to SAD: the Standard American Diet...uh oh...I'm about to touch the fabric of your lives.
Do you suffer from "Muffin-top Syndrome" or "Back Bra Blob" or do you have that "10 lbs.-of-sugar-in-a-5 lb.-bag-look"? Well then my friend, meet SAD. In the un-real world you could just Photo Shop it all away but in the real world...it's mean...real mean.
You can be large or small, SAD is not a respecter of persons. It's fake to whomever wishes to befriend it. It can turn into one of those BFF situations where you love it, but it hates you, but you don't realize that it really does hate you because you love it so much, and you are blind to its hate (because you know the saying) but the results of the friendship are over the top...over the top of your jeans...over the top of your bra...over the top of your strapless dress. Da Pudge.
Da Pudge is not all that remains after a tryst with SAD, puffiness, swollen joints, water retention, brain fog, as well as an aversion to making wholesome choices. No...SAD will not just leave you alone after you have given yourself to it, it gets inside your very being and you CRAVE it, everything about it, the more you want, the more you will want. Then you will make arrangements several times in a day to meet with it and then the secretiveness of these meetings will soon have you hiding the evidence.
I have had my share of affairs with SAD, yes, I'll admit it. Baking a pan of brownies only to nibble them down to 1/2 a pan and because of the shame eat the other 1/2 so my other lover (my husband) would not find out. I've even invited SAD to my very own dinner table and served it to my family under the cloak of a "quick and easy meal" or "prepackaged microwaved". I am a confessed "carboholic" always in recovery and the guilt of trying to make my family players in this charade is more than I can deal with, except when there's chocolate cake or bread.
What is this SAD...you want to know...what could possibly affect your quality decision making to that degree? The Standard American Diet, we will so properly call it, is high in animal fats and saturated and or hydrogenated fats, low in fiber, high in processed foods, low in complex carbs and low in plant-based foods. Are you as repulsed as I am at this very moment? No? Then it has you in its grip or you just lost interest in the list because you don't get what it all means but basically it's this: bad fat/white flour/white sugar/white anything/refined anything/added chemicals/bleach to make it white/...here come da pudge.
When I had my studio my husband and I made a 10 foot Nutcracker for an upcoming Christmas parade and program I was going to do. That thing was still around after 7 years of me using it as well as other people using it and hauling it from Birmingham and to other cities, I don't know if it's still around or not but I sold it with my studio. It was made from chicken wire, newspaper, paint, and white flour/water to make the paste.
The white flour and liquid formula is the same thing inside your plumbing, can you imagine the caking and clogging in your pipes? The sludge that causes the pudge!
Have you noticed even thin young girls with puffalump bellies hanging over their low rises? Fast food living gets fast results, fast. Back fat? Somebody eats too much pork fat...it's the truth, look it up. Keep getting colds or can't shake the infections? Your immune system is out of whack due to nutrient deficiencies. But we are so in love with our rolled-in-dough-french-fried-sprinkled-sugar-chunks-dipped-in-bacon-grease-and-soda-nibbles that we've forgotten the true and faithful BFF that waits on us to turn to it when we are tired of being abused by SAD.
It's not a user and won't leave you licking the ice cream carton in secrecy...it's a true lover of your heart and all of your other parts. It will not bring you guilt or shame or make you want to wear a moo-moo. It's RDA...the Recommended Daily Allowance diet. It brings the language of fruits and veggies, grilled protein, and whole grains back into your vocabulary. You might even want to date an exercise or two after that!
Old loves die hard and this one will leave you looking like lard, so when SAD tries to seduce you and whispers come hither words into your stomach, be strong, be wise, and repeat these words into your fist and into its fat face..."Give us this day our R-D-A"!
Do you suffer from "Muffin-top Syndrome" or "Back Bra Blob" or do you have that "10 lbs.-of-sugar-in-a-5 lb.-bag-look"? Well then my friend, meet SAD. In the un-real world you could just Photo Shop it all away but in the real world...it's mean...real mean.
You can be large or small, SAD is not a respecter of persons. It's fake to whomever wishes to befriend it. It can turn into one of those BFF situations where you love it, but it hates you, but you don't realize that it really does hate you because you love it so much, and you are blind to its hate (because you know the saying) but the results of the friendship are over the top...over the top of your jeans...over the top of your bra...over the top of your strapless dress. Da Pudge.
Da Pudge is not all that remains after a tryst with SAD, puffiness, swollen joints, water retention, brain fog, as well as an aversion to making wholesome choices. No...SAD will not just leave you alone after you have given yourself to it, it gets inside your very being and you CRAVE it, everything about it, the more you want, the more you will want. Then you will make arrangements several times in a day to meet with it and then the secretiveness of these meetings will soon have you hiding the evidence.
I have had my share of affairs with SAD, yes, I'll admit it. Baking a pan of brownies only to nibble them down to 1/2 a pan and because of the shame eat the other 1/2 so my other lover (my husband) would not find out. I've even invited SAD to my very own dinner table and served it to my family under the cloak of a "quick and easy meal" or "prepackaged microwaved". I am a confessed "carboholic" always in recovery and the guilt of trying to make my family players in this charade is more than I can deal with, except when there's chocolate cake or bread.
What is this SAD...you want to know...what could possibly affect your quality decision making to that degree? The Standard American Diet, we will so properly call it, is high in animal fats and saturated and or hydrogenated fats, low in fiber, high in processed foods, low in complex carbs and low in plant-based foods. Are you as repulsed as I am at this very moment? No? Then it has you in its grip or you just lost interest in the list because you don't get what it all means but basically it's this: bad fat/white flour/white sugar/white anything/refined anything/added chemicals/bleach to make it white/...here come da pudge.
When I had my studio my husband and I made a 10 foot Nutcracker for an upcoming Christmas parade and program I was going to do. That thing was still around after 7 years of me using it as well as other people using it and hauling it from Birmingham and to other cities, I don't know if it's still around or not but I sold it with my studio. It was made from chicken wire, newspaper, paint, and white flour/water to make the paste.
The white flour and liquid formula is the same thing inside your plumbing, can you imagine the caking and clogging in your pipes? The sludge that causes the pudge!
Have you noticed even thin young girls with puffalump bellies hanging over their low rises? Fast food living gets fast results, fast. Back fat? Somebody eats too much pork fat...it's the truth, look it up. Keep getting colds or can't shake the infections? Your immune system is out of whack due to nutrient deficiencies. But we are so in love with our rolled-in-dough-french-fried-sprinkled-sugar-chunks-dipped-in-bacon-grease-and-soda-nibbles that we've forgotten the true and faithful BFF that waits on us to turn to it when we are tired of being abused by SAD.
It's not a user and won't leave you licking the ice cream carton in secrecy...it's a true lover of your heart and all of your other parts. It will not bring you guilt or shame or make you want to wear a moo-moo. It's RDA...the Recommended Daily Allowance diet. It brings the language of fruits and veggies, grilled protein, and whole grains back into your vocabulary. You might even want to date an exercise or two after that!
Old loves die hard and this one will leave you looking like lard, so when SAD tries to seduce you and whispers come hither words into your stomach, be strong, be wise, and repeat these words into your fist and into its fat face..."Give us this day our R-D-A"!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Crumbs
I am a visionary. I see that, I, will one day invent and mass produce a product that will have people all over the globe clamoring to buy it. It will rid our lives of the most evil, devious, heinous enemy that households have to encounter each and every day. It will solve the most widespread problem facing homes today...crumbs. My invention will be called "The Crumb Catcher". The concept behind this brilliancy is this, very much like its cousin "The Dream Catcher", you will hang "The Crumb Catcher" in an obviously conspicuous location, near the crumb action, and leave the rest up to modern technology. While you work, play, or sleep the catcher will magically vibrate magnetic ionic enticement sonar waves from the catcher and draw anything impish and mischievous such as hair wads, dust tumbleweeds as well as crumbs, into its waiting annihilation combustion chamber. $9.99, not including shipping and handling.
I have a massive dislike towards things that I can walk past once and it is not there and I come back through two minutes later and there it is, it had to of floated down from the ceiling or rolled out from underneath the sofa or something. I discovered a dust ball in my kitchen corner today, that I swear had eyes! I've seen boa feathers from costumes that were packed away for years, come nonchalantly strolling down the hall like they had awakened from their sleep and were coming to get a snack from the kitchen. And don't even get me started on Easter grass!! Easter will have been over for 8 months and on any random day walk into the bathroom and get Easter grass stuck to your foot! How does this happen? Why does this drive me to OCD-ment? The crumbs...they wave at me from across the just swept room snidely singing, "Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me"! "I'll kiss you alright (grumble grumble), how about this!", as I show them my "Crumb Catcher", oh yeah...it's on!
I think I distinctly remember hair, crumbs, and dust to be part of the plagues that hit Egypt. They made the people so miserable that they begged Pharaoh to invent something to magically vibrate magnetic ionic enticement sonar waves from it into its waiting annihilation combustion chamber, but alas, he did not listen and sent the children of Israel out into the desert instead. So I'm using the idea. I think people will smile more often and break into song more spontaneously..."free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I'm free at last". Crumbs shall no longer have dominion over you. Now I just need financial backers.
Since the invention of the broom, mankind has made several attempts in achieving the ultimate heights of household cleaning apparatus that effortlessly do away with our everyday crusty crud, but they all are lacking in some way or another. You've seen the poor mop or duster on TV be replaced by the cloth on the pole, which does admittedly get the dust and hair but the crumbs lie obstinately on the floor, so you get the broom and the dustpan and the giblets of crumbs won't go over the hump of the pan and only shoot out the right side of the vacuum cleaner when suctioned. Well, arch enemy you have met your match...or at least you will meet your match, as soon as I get this invention off the ground and into the U.S. Patent office.
I've not always been so...so...retentive concerning this subject matter, just ask my mom or my husband of 35 years. No, I used to be, for the years of my childhood and early adulthood, more relaxed and laid back when it came to grit, grime, and goop. I wasn't a slob or anything like that, just not so concerned with the whereabouts of potential hair roundups and herds of dust collecting, as I am today. When I sold my studio and became a housewife (which I didn't realize that I was one until I signed my income tax that year and it said 'housewife' by my name) I wanted to be the best one I could be...and somehow crumbs turned into my nemesis. That's the long and short of it. Basically.
I've imagined hiding under my console table until the wee hours of the morning and quietly watch the amazing unfolding of the massive hair and dust clump formations that I find in my floors when I wake up in the morning. I find wonderment in how they find each other in the dark and join together in a swirling twirling dance and fall out from exhaustion in odd places. I have another idea if "The Crumb Catcher" does not pan out...I'll make a documentary film called the "Creation of the Dustball...Where Hair and Dust Unite". $9.99, not including shipping and handling.
I have a massive dislike towards things that I can walk past once and it is not there and I come back through two minutes later and there it is, it had to of floated down from the ceiling or rolled out from underneath the sofa or something. I discovered a dust ball in my kitchen corner today, that I swear had eyes! I've seen boa feathers from costumes that were packed away for years, come nonchalantly strolling down the hall like they had awakened from their sleep and were coming to get a snack from the kitchen. And don't even get me started on Easter grass!! Easter will have been over for 8 months and on any random day walk into the bathroom and get Easter grass stuck to your foot! How does this happen? Why does this drive me to OCD-ment? The crumbs...they wave at me from across the just swept room snidely singing, "Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me"! "I'll kiss you alright (grumble grumble), how about this!", as I show them my "Crumb Catcher", oh yeah...it's on!
I think I distinctly remember hair, crumbs, and dust to be part of the plagues that hit Egypt. They made the people so miserable that they begged Pharaoh to invent something to magically vibrate magnetic ionic enticement sonar waves from it into its waiting annihilation combustion chamber, but alas, he did not listen and sent the children of Israel out into the desert instead. So I'm using the idea. I think people will smile more often and break into song more spontaneously..."free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I'm free at last". Crumbs shall no longer have dominion over you. Now I just need financial backers.
Since the invention of the broom, mankind has made several attempts in achieving the ultimate heights of household cleaning apparatus that effortlessly do away with our everyday crusty crud, but they all are lacking in some way or another. You've seen the poor mop or duster on TV be replaced by the cloth on the pole, which does admittedly get the dust and hair but the crumbs lie obstinately on the floor, so you get the broom and the dustpan and the giblets of crumbs won't go over the hump of the pan and only shoot out the right side of the vacuum cleaner when suctioned. Well, arch enemy you have met your match...or at least you will meet your match, as soon as I get this invention off the ground and into the U.S. Patent office.
I've not always been so...so...retentive concerning this subject matter, just ask my mom or my husband of 35 years. No, I used to be, for the years of my childhood and early adulthood, more relaxed and laid back when it came to grit, grime, and goop. I wasn't a slob or anything like that, just not so concerned with the whereabouts of potential hair roundups and herds of dust collecting, as I am today. When I sold my studio and became a housewife (which I didn't realize that I was one until I signed my income tax that year and it said 'housewife' by my name) I wanted to be the best one I could be...and somehow crumbs turned into my nemesis. That's the long and short of it. Basically.
I've imagined hiding under my console table until the wee hours of the morning and quietly watch the amazing unfolding of the massive hair and dust clump formations that I find in my floors when I wake up in the morning. I find wonderment in how they find each other in the dark and join together in a swirling twirling dance and fall out from exhaustion in odd places. I have another idea if "The Crumb Catcher" does not pan out...I'll make a documentary film called the "Creation of the Dustball...Where Hair and Dust Unite". $9.99, not including shipping and handling.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Burning The Midnight Oil
With us living in a "green" world, burning anything at midnight is an environmental no-no. In the last several years eco-activists have tried to enlighten us on the perils of doing anything useless or harmful to the earth and its atmosphere. So, oil wastage would get you a good ole' sit-in or protest from the moonbats...all 8 of them. But, corporations and industries are now also joining forces with what used to be a hippie thing, they're really moving to the extreme left with this one.
Words like 'renewable', 'sustainable', and 'earth-friendly' are the buzz words for the 21st century. Green house effect, global warming, and unrenewable resources have us all feeling a little desperate to be more responsible keepers of the earth. So much to the point we go wayyyy overboard. I call it "The Teeter-Totter Effect" (more on that on another blog).
We hear, "Save the whales", "Save the fur", "Save the birds, save the bees, save the flowers, save the trees"! Speaking of trees...have you watched the video on You-Tube of the people crying and apologizing to the trees for our misuse of them? One person even screamed out in mourning because of the trees deaths. This is my O...but I thought God made the trees so we (the people) could use their resources for our benefit. I might need to whisper that or I might get sued by the attorney that just filed a 3.9 million dollar lawsuit against Chrysler for using animal names to name their vehicles. He thinks that if the car does not deliver what it implies that it should by using the animals name, like a majestic ram, that it would ruin the reputation of the ram. The money, if awarded, 40% would go the the lawyers and the rest to a foundation where animals could be left alone. How much does leaving an animal alone cost these days?
God made the earth in a way that it would supply for us (the people) all the things He knew we would need in order to invent things to help us live more productive lives. Wood, paper, leather, gasoline, coffee, wheat, cocoa, all of these things are for our usage. Again...I might need to whisper this. I don't ever want to live crosswise with my fellowman but I'm afraid I might be an environmental hypocrite. I USE things.
Natural resources is another 'green' word being used a lot today. Natural resources must be carefully managed to avoid over-usage so the world can replenish them at the rate they are being used, if not faster. The world's greatest natural resource is PEOPLE. Now, we need to decide if people are a renewable or unrenewable resource. It is true... over here, over there, people, people everywhere. So you might say that they are renewable, because of the birth rate, people are being born into the earth every second. But, just as fast as they are being birthed, they are also dying. So that brings us to the unrenewable aspect of people.
Even though there are people everywhere, they are given one spirit at conception that is uniquely their own. There will not be another one like it, ever, that will be planted into a human body. When that person dies their earthsuit stays but their spirit leaves, never to be here again. So we can say that THAT person is unrenewable. Each are individual, each are valuable, each are divinely made with a purpose. Did you realize even with cloning, God would be obligated to place a spirit into that person even if they were made in a test tube?
Now that we have established people to be unrenewable, what are some other things that we don't get back? Time...sleep...anything else? Well, to me time or sleep does not even matter in comparison to the wasting of people. My whole life should be for people, since they are everywhere, yet, in my past, people have been the least of my concern. I have fought for things, more than the people that the things were given for. I have stood up for what was right and ran over the people the rights were for. I don't want to be a humanity hypocrite! I don't want to be accused of wasting people. I don't get them back.
The saying 'burning the midnight oil' implies that you were up wasting sleep accomplishing something that you could have done during daylight hours but now you're burning your resource of oil to finish. Like the foolish virgins in Matthew 25. They wasted their oil so when the bridegroom showed up they got left out. The song from the movie "Funny Girl", "People" states that 'people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world'. In other words, people who love people, and give of themselves, and don't waste people, are the most blessed people you'll ever encounter.
So when you're asked by the environmentally-aware to buy a certain type of light bulb, or low VOC paint, or take only pictures and leave only footprints...and compost your garbage, and recycle your plastic and paper, and walk or bike instead of fly your jet, or hug your tree, or wear fake fur, or eat only vegetables... go ahead and do what convicts you. But, I say to you with great passion and zeal..."one person...one spirit...one life...one chance...don't waste them".
Words like 'renewable', 'sustainable', and 'earth-friendly' are the buzz words for the 21st century. Green house effect, global warming, and unrenewable resources have us all feeling a little desperate to be more responsible keepers of the earth. So much to the point we go wayyyy overboard. I call it "The Teeter-Totter Effect" (more on that on another blog).
We hear, "Save the whales", "Save the fur", "Save the birds, save the bees, save the flowers, save the trees"! Speaking of trees...have you watched the video on You-Tube of the people crying and apologizing to the trees for our misuse of them? One person even screamed out in mourning because of the trees deaths. This is my O...but I thought God made the trees so we (the people) could use their resources for our benefit. I might need to whisper that or I might get sued by the attorney that just filed a 3.9 million dollar lawsuit against Chrysler for using animal names to name their vehicles. He thinks that if the car does not deliver what it implies that it should by using the animals name, like a majestic ram, that it would ruin the reputation of the ram. The money, if awarded, 40% would go the the lawyers and the rest to a foundation where animals could be left alone. How much does leaving an animal alone cost these days?
God made the earth in a way that it would supply for us (the people) all the things He knew we would need in order to invent things to help us live more productive lives. Wood, paper, leather, gasoline, coffee, wheat, cocoa, all of these things are for our usage. Again...I might need to whisper this. I don't ever want to live crosswise with my fellowman but I'm afraid I might be an environmental hypocrite. I USE things.
Natural resources is another 'green' word being used a lot today. Natural resources must be carefully managed to avoid over-usage so the world can replenish them at the rate they are being used, if not faster. The world's greatest natural resource is PEOPLE. Now, we need to decide if people are a renewable or unrenewable resource. It is true... over here, over there, people, people everywhere. So you might say that they are renewable, because of the birth rate, people are being born into the earth every second. But, just as fast as they are being birthed, they are also dying. So that brings us to the unrenewable aspect of people.
Even though there are people everywhere, they are given one spirit at conception that is uniquely their own. There will not be another one like it, ever, that will be planted into a human body. When that person dies their earthsuit stays but their spirit leaves, never to be here again. So we can say that THAT person is unrenewable. Each are individual, each are valuable, each are divinely made with a purpose. Did you realize even with cloning, God would be obligated to place a spirit into that person even if they were made in a test tube?
Now that we have established people to be unrenewable, what are some other things that we don't get back? Time...sleep...anything else? Well, to me time or sleep does not even matter in comparison to the wasting of people. My whole life should be for people, since they are everywhere, yet, in my past, people have been the least of my concern. I have fought for things, more than the people that the things were given for. I have stood up for what was right and ran over the people the rights were for. I don't want to be a humanity hypocrite! I don't want to be accused of wasting people. I don't get them back.
The saying 'burning the midnight oil' implies that you were up wasting sleep accomplishing something that you could have done during daylight hours but now you're burning your resource of oil to finish. Like the foolish virgins in Matthew 25. They wasted their oil so when the bridegroom showed up they got left out. The song from the movie "Funny Girl", "People" states that 'people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world'. In other words, people who love people, and give of themselves, and don't waste people, are the most blessed people you'll ever encounter.
So when you're asked by the environmentally-aware to buy a certain type of light bulb, or low VOC paint, or take only pictures and leave only footprints...and compost your garbage, and recycle your plastic and paper, and walk or bike instead of fly your jet, or hug your tree, or wear fake fur, or eat only vegetables... go ahead and do what convicts you. But, I say to you with great passion and zeal..."one person...one spirit...one life...one chance...don't waste them".
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